Government Warns Retailers Profiteering From High Prices Can Only Go On For Another Few Years
RETAILERS and energy and service providers across Ireland are said to be holding crisis meetings after the government confirmed that while it will do absolutely nothing to intervene could they please, pretty please, stop price gouging customers.
“Doesn’t have to be like now now but maybe by 2030, that’d be nice of you but like we said only if it suits, sorry,” said a spokesperson for Enterprise Minister Simon Coveney, adopting an intimidating non-sense approach to the negative effect inflationary prices are having on many people.
Reacting strongly to the fact that some 18 months of steady inflation has led to increased prices for customers and increased opportunistic profits for companies, the government told retailers they will not be permitted to get away with this for much longer.
“Don’t think we won’t get out the big guns,” continued the government spokesperson, indicating that when ministers are asked by the media if they will implement price caps on supermarkets they will immediately say ‘oh God no, are you mad this isn’t Cuba’.
Taking its toughest stance yet on price gouging the coalition gave the green light for a series of gold statues to be commissioned of supermarket CEOs after the price of own-brand bread was reduced by 10 cent.
“Some people might be offended by us building statues of them but you can more flies with honey,” concluded the spokesman before spending the entirety of the country’s budget surplus on one jar of price-hiked honey.
UPDATE: The government’s strategy seems to have worked as supermarkets launched ‘price-busting savings you won’t get anywhere else’ adverts for products that are the same price in every single supermarket.