Ring Doorbell Informs You There’s Two Ants Fucking In Your Driveway

SECURITY CONSCIOUS local man Ken Sheeran hasn’t regretted installing a Ring video doorbell for a single second, as without it he would never have gotten minute-by-minute notifications about ‘a motion at your front door’ to his phone to tell him about the following:

– A light gust of wind has carried a fallen leaf past the driveway of his neighbour across the road.

– An almost imperceptible change in temperature.

– Two ants getting down and dirty with each other in the cracks between his driveway and the pavement.

– A non-stop Dublin to Chicago Aer Lingus flight cruising overheard at 30,000 feet.

– The soul departing from a recently deceased member of the community.

– Mercury orbiting the sun.

– The grass growing.

– Mr Sheeran himself, opening the door to see what the weather is like.

– Russian tanks rolling across the Ukraine border, 1,000 miles away.

–  The passage of time.

– Mr Sheeran at the front door, again, literally five minutes after he was at the front door the last time.

Although the constant stream of notifications to his phone hasn’t irritated Mr. Sheeran to madness just yet, he turned them off for a moment today at which point he was instantly robbed.