Things The GAA Sadly Can’t Replay

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WHILE the GAA can order the replaying of the All-Ireland Club Football Final between Glen and Kilmacud Crokes, bringing joy to GAA rule-sticklers everywhere sadly, this is where the gaelic games’ governing body’s replaying powers end.

For many wishing to experience something again this is a bitter pill to swallow. Hope extinguished, unfortunately you’ll never get a second kick of a life’s 45s that were granted to Glen.

Aware of the blow dealt by the news the GAA has apologised to people everywhere that they’ll never get to replay:

Your first kiss

13-year-old you sticking your tongue down Sean Kierney’s mouth when the school’s most popular girl Susan Cahill wanted to but he chose you. That’s when your life peaked but there’s no going back now.

That time the course nerd got the question wrong but you followed up with the right answer

The rush of adrenaline, a packed first year lecture hall, and that know-it-all fucked up and then bam! You got in their with the right answer, that’s a high you’ve been chasing ever since.

That argument in the queue to the chipper when you were skipped but only came up with the perfect one liner when you were on the way home

Fuck, you could have hit that prick with ‘I didn’t know queues were for jumping, must bring a trampoline next time’. Admittedly, you’re terrible at comebacks but it would have felt like a minor victory.

That time you were on the Expressway and you saw a seagull steal a hat clean off and an auld lad’s head and then it proceeded to shit on him.

No one believes you, but if you could go back and relive it you could have the presence of mind to film it all.

Your appearance on Winning Streak

That old biddy didn’t deserve the wheel spin, she had one foot in the grave, what was she going to do with that €50,000?

That NFT purchase

How your one of kind €10,000 purchase of Marty Morrissey’s exclusive NFT collection became worthless still escapes logic but you’d probably refrain from drawing down the Credit Union to buy it if you could replay it.

Tom Kelly’s 21st

If you couldn’t prevent ‘the incident’, you’d at least bring a spare pair of trousers if you got to relive it one more time. Maybe skip the curry too.

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