Ryanair Pilot Can’t Wait To Slam Plane Onto New Dublin Airport Runway

DUBLIN’S new runway saw its first successful takeoff today, as a Ryanair flight took to the sky from the €320m stretch of tarmac; just as another Ryanair pilot prepared to wallop his plane and passengers into it like it owed him money.

“Ryanair E34200, you are clear for landing on the new runway, now we do remind you, it’s a new runway so please, don’t do one of your usual slam-bang jobs,” pleaded air traffic controllers from the tower today as the flight from Lanzarote approached.

The pleas went unheeded by Captain Eamon ‘The Filling Cracker’ Devlin eyeballed his approach to the new ‘North runway’, getting ready to guide his plane down gently until it was three feet off the tarmac and then just smash it into the ground as hard as he could.

“Fuck your new runway!” laughed an unhinged Devlin as his wheels slapped the runway like it had said something about his mother.

“Boom! Textbook! Play the fuckin’ trombones!” he added, as bone-shaken passengers comforted each other with hugs and assurances that ‘it was all over now’, while their flight taxied over to the terminal.

WWN reached out to Ryanair in a bid to learn why they don’t seem to have a single pilot that can land a plane without violence, but we are yet to receive a reply.