Man Frantically Calculating If He Actually Has Time For One More


MATHEMATICS was never Waterford man Colin Hemmell’s strong point, but the dad-of-two is currently crunching numbers as quickly as he can to ascertain whether or not he has time for one more pint before he leaves the lads in the pub to head home.

Hemmell, who has already had five pints and almost certainly doesn’t need another one, must calculate if the time added on by another pint will push his total time in the pub past what can be reasonably argued as ‘heading to the pub for a quick one’, or if it will in fact fall into the ‘late one’ bracket that he promised this trip would not be.

Although his average pint-drinking speed stands at one pint per 30 minutes (including a five minute round trip to the bar, a nip to the jacks and a leisurely consumption) Hemmell is convinced that this ‘quick pint’ could possibly be downed in 10 minutes or less, and that any need to use a toilet between here and home could be sorted out by going around the back of a bus stop or whatever.

However, this extra ten minute pint may mean he now does not have time to stop off for chips on the way home, although he could possibly argue to his wife that when he said ‘home around 11’ he actually mean ‘I’ll leave the pub at 11, and be home sometime in the following hour’. Also, stopping for chips on the way home has always been a surefire way to keep his wife happy when he brings her home a snack box.

With all that being said, Colin has factored in the fact that he has work early tomorrow morning (which he completely forgot about over the last hour,) and therefore he does not have time for one last pint, and in actual fact should have headed home half an hour ago.

Unfortunately, one of his mates took his hesitance as a ‘yes’ and went ahead and got a round of pints in, as well as shorts, and now that Hemmell is in a fresh round there’s not a chance he’s leaving this place until the staff come around to clean it at 3AM.