Lidl Cashiers, SuperValu Cakes: We Build The Perfect Supermarket

ARE YOU happy with your local supermarket? You are? Well, you’re wrong! Incremental improvements could transform your shopping experience, and according to an extensive study carried out over a year’s worth of big, medium and little shops, WWN has built what is unquestionable the world’s greatest supermarket:

Lidl cashiers

With arms on them like Rhasidat Adeleke’s legs, Lidl’s checkout workers are famed for being quicker scanning your shop through than your ex-boyfriend was in bed. There’s no better in the business.

And there’s nothing like having a load of veg fired at you to keep you alert and your heart rate at a steady pace.

SuperValu cakes

Baked goods are an integral part of any supermarket. What shop would be complete without you whispering to yourself ‘no, I shouldn’t’ before throwing five Swiss rolls into your trolley.

Aldi middle aisle

Aldi is basically The Beatles of middle aisles, sure The Rolling Stones (Lidl) are good but they just can’t compete with the continued genius of Aldi. You never thought you needed an 18th century windmill until you saw it in Aldi next to the build-your-own-Hadron-Collider set.

Tesco reduced shelf

Does it have a little mold growing on it? Does is matter when it’s 13 cent for a week’s worth of handy ready made meals?

Marks & Spencers notions

Some cloudy lemonade that’s somehow priced at 10 euro, some Pimms – occasionally everyone wants to live like a rich celebrity protestant and that’s were M&S comes in.

Spar deli

Some of the most highly trained breakfast roll technicians in the world. Chicken fillet engineers to rival anyone.

Dunnes management

What do you need most from your local shop? It wouldn’t hurt to have it open 24/7 without the slightest risk of a unionised workforce calling a lightning strike. You want a guarantee that if there’s a ‘big snow’ or a ‘big melt’ going on, there’s no extreme weather condition staff think entitles them to a day off.