Lotto Winner Still Not Rich Enough To Holiday In Ireland


THE winner of a recent Lotto jackpot will have to wait for their windfall to accrue a few extra million in interest if they want to enjoy a holiday in Ireland, according to a new report on the cost of ‘staycationing’.

The study shows that while Ireland boasts an impressive range of tourist destinations, these attractions remain much more expensive to enjoy than their counterparts in Europe, America, South America, Australia, Asia, and the lower stratosphere in one of Jeff Bezo’s rocket hotels.

A spokesperson for the hospitality industry justified the extortionate prices involved with holidaying in Ireland by citing high tax rates and soaring insurance costs, and also the fact that they ‘wanted to have lots of money’.

Despite the traditional ‘load the family into the car and head down the country for a few days’ holiday being completely out of the price range for 99.9% of Irish people, the ultra-rich can afford to enjoy such attractions in Ireland such as:

– Heading to Newgrange monument and entering the chamber all together as a group, rather than buy one ticket and send someone in to take a photo to show the rest.

– Enjoying a weekend at Center Parcs, unlike the rest of us poor schlubs who have to make do with the exact same experience in a country such as Spain, Italy or France because that’s all we can afford.

– Get treated in the A&E department of your choice after being beaten up in Dublin city (word of advice, if you tell the ambulance crew that you’re outside the ‘hotel that’s under construction in the city centre’, you will have to be much more specific).

– Visit Cork: the real Cork, not the one in Tokyo, Paris, Shanghai, Los Angeles or Florida.