Premium Petrol Available For People Who Don’t Think Regular Stuff Is Dear Enough


DESPITE fuel prices soaring to previously unheard of levels, WWN has learned of a number of individuals who are still opting for the even-more-expensive premium or ‘super’ versions of petrol and diesel.

Normally reserved for avid motoring enthusiasts and people who just felt that their car needed ‘a little treat’ every so often, the number of people choosing these premium options has plummeted since the increase in fuel costs, but we spoke to a number of hold-outs who gave us differing reasons as to why they’re making a trip to the pumps even more expensive.

“Mainly it’s out of spite, to be honest. A ‘fuck you’ to the government. You want to make me broke? I’ll make myself broke, bitch,” spat one motorist, paying some 70 euro more to fill his van than he did at this time last year.

“Shock, daze, call it what you want, I just don’t know what the fuck I’m doing,” mused another, as the dial rolled agonisingly over to 130.02 for a fill.

“Because I’m rich? Honestly, I don’t know what you lot are giving out about. So petrol went up by 50c or so. What’s 50c? Jesus, the way some of you are going on, you’d swear this was pushing you to the brink of poverty,” chimed in another man, before driving off in his Audi.

Meanwhile the government has pledged to do nothing about the cost of fuel, while Sinn Féin have promised to draft in ‘a few lads they know’ to knock a couple of cent off the price of diesel at least.