Yury Filatov’s Guide To Laying Low Until The Heat Dies Down

A MASTER in the art of watching the volcanic heat tail off to a nice manageable simmer, WWN is delighted to announced Russian ambassador Yury Filatov is sharing his tips on how to lay low with our readers.

Hello, very happy to be inside this website to share guide of wisdom.

1) Did your bosses do war crime? Little or big war crimes – it’s all the same. Take it from me, you must now no more go on television and radio – this way nobody say you should be expelled anymore, it really genius move actually. No Yury on TV, no pressure.

2) Maybe that was not good example, ok. Maybe you vomit on night out and feel the same shame Russian military feels when Ukrainian tractor takes away tank. But maybe there’s no shame if you deny vomit ever happened. When friends say you never admit vomit no matter evidence, vomit stops being shameful – no more keeping you up at night and haunting your dreams.

This one work also for pants shitting. And bombing maternity hospitals.

3) You get catched in bed sharing your sperm with woman who is not wife? Don’t go on TV and defend this, people will only insult you, say it is not something to defend. Do not accept call from David McCullagh. Now this is important part: just wait. Many weeks pass, people get used to idea of fact you give seed to other woman. Now like magic, no one trying to kick you out anymore, it is boring and old story.

4) Make big mistake at work? Maybe Irish boss man say it’s time to fire you. Simple, keep turning up to work. How can you be fired if you don’t play by normal rules?

5) I see Irish politician say bad deal hospital is very good deal. This I respect, and now that they vote for deal it is important to lay low, don’t talk to public – this should be easy, no politician do this anyway. Maybe I can learn from Irish politician too.

6) Committing normal crimes like bank robbery not carpet bombing cities, this can make you worried – will police take you to jail? But maybe just don’t answer front door when police come to find the money, like I don’t answer door when there is protest at embassy.

You may think my advice not useful for everyday fuck up you but I ask you, I’m still here, right?