THE hunt for the nation’s most slothful person may have come to an end, after an independent research group deemed Waterford native Steve Carrins to be ‘the single laziest fucker to ever draw breath’.
“Here is a man who would shite in the bed and kick it out, rather than make the effort to walk to a toilet,” said the leader of the study, one of Carrins’ own co-workers.
“Truly, this man would go out of his way to not complete any task set to him. If you paid him to sleep, he’d stay awake out of spite. If his job was staying dry, he’d lie in a puddle. We’ll never know the full extent of his laziness because it’s his job to report it”.
Carrins was unavailable for comment due to being incredibly lazy, but his crown as most workshy person in Ireland has already been challenged by the author of this article, who pulled up 75 words shy of their assigned word count to go have a lie-down.