If You Read One Thing Today Don’t Make It This, It’s Not My Finest Work & I Was Tight For Time

BELIEVE ME I wish this article was ‘it’ but the day completely got away from me so this definitely isn’t the one thing you need to read today.

Honestly, I had every intention of writing something relevant, shocking, zeitgeisty say like ‘Why The Movie Clueless Forms The Bedrock Of Millennials’ Desire For Doomed Romance’ or ‘What Ted Lasso Can Teach Us About The War In Ukraine’ or, ooh, or OR ‘What Tamagotchis Tell Us About Our Anxiety Around Starting A Family’.

You don’t know how much I would love to see an article of mine trend on Twitter with a bunch of ????? above it but this is not it.

Two of the team are off sick today, there just isn’t any time to produce an excoriating critique of modern capitalism that compels you to implore people to read it above all other published works on a given day, y’know?

Also, there was some health and safety thing this morning about how to lift boxes correctly and I’m expected to shit a Pulitzer from my keyboard with all this going on?

Sure, if I hadn’t taken an extra long lunch to get that fungal cream at the pharmacy then yes, maybe I’d have the time to produce something that had this really arresting and intoxicating effect on you that pulled you out of the dreary day and really made you feel something but alas I’m super tight for time, like you wouldn’t believe.

And there’s the traffic, if I want to beat it I’ve gotta leave the office at like 5 on the dot and who has the ability to write something truly original, unique and dare I say brave when they’ve got a hard avoid-that-fucking-traffic deadline?

In conclusion, I regret that this was never going to fulfill your ‘if you read one thing today’ expectations or desires, I’m not exactly thrilled about it either.