Maximising Your Little Apartment Balcony: A Guide

CONGRATULATIONS! You’ve finally managed to spend a huge portion of your monthly salary for a tiny apartment in Dublin city. And even better, it’s got a little balcony where you can take in the sights and sounds of the town around you.

Now, your landlord may have warned you that you aren’t getting a red cent of your deposit back if you so much as blu-tack a poster to the walls, but perhaps you could do something to make the most out of the 2 square meters of outside space you have?

1) No

As a tenant, you must understand that you are responsible for the upkeep of all aspects of the apartment that someone is very kindly allowing you to rent. That includes, even if not expressly stated, the little balcony. As such, you must not do anything to personalise or modify the balcony in any way. The only thing you are allowed to do is to maintain it and keep it clean, and even at that you are not guaranteed your security deposit back. There’s wrong ways to clean things, you know.

2) No smoking either

Just as your apartment is a no smoking area, so too is your balcony. Although this should be easy to obey, as you should not be smoking to begin with. Smoking leads to ill health and ill health can lead to time off work, thus putting your ability to pay rent into jeopardy. What kind of tenant are you, that you would risk your landlord’s income like that? You know, on second thoughts, maybe this apartment would be better off with one of the hundreds of other people who applied for it.

3) No laundry. Look, just don’t open the fucking doors

Of course you’re not allowed hang laundry out on the balcony – it’s unsightly and lowers the property values of the neighbourhood. Dry your washing indoors, but be sure to report any mustiness or mildew that may occur so that your landlord can take it out of your security deposit as quickly as possible. And yes, maybe just regard the door to the balcony as ‘more of a big window’ from now on. It’s best to only ever go out if you have to wave for help if the apartment is on fire, and even then, you may need to consider how that’s going to play out for you when you go to look for a reference for your next landlord.