“We’d Absolutely Murder A Fucking Steak Right Now”
GREYSTONES natives David and Stephen Flynn, aka The Happy Pear, chat to WWN about their 14 years on a vegan diet and how most of their free time is taken up with cravings for a 10 ounce fillet steak and prawn surf ‘n turf drenched in pepper sauce and chips laced in goose fat.
“Aw stop it now, we’re famished just thinking about it,” the Happy Pear began, both speaking at the same time, weirdly harmonising with one another, “we’d absolutely murder a fucking steak right now; preferably rare as fuck, blue and still throbbing”.
The Happy Pear are known for their infectious energy, their hit café in their hometown Greystones and of course their delicious vegetarian food range along with inspirational Instagram content that primarily consists of them sea swimming, doing handstands and recipes for 12,000 different vegan curries.
“I’d eat the hind legs off a donkey at this stage,” both brothers said, emphasising the fact that they really miss eating animals, “we’d eat you if it wasn’t illegal,” they added, now whispering suspiciously to each other as one locked the café front door to the queue of people outside while the other started feeling this reporter’s shoulder, “a bit grisly there, but we could tender that out with a meat hammer”.
Making my way nearer the door, the Flynn brothers reassured me that they were only ‘pulling my leg’ and not to be afraid of their hilarious inside twin jokes.
“It’s just these cravings, you know?” they again both said at the same time, drool now visible, eyes manic with hunger, “human flesh is a lot like pork, but you can easily replicate that taste with some yummy quorn!” they now laughed in jest, one brother staring at my shoulder while the other eyed my loins.
“Look, I can do a handstand, isn’t that gas?” whomever the quirky one is said, now upside down and staring intently at my calf muscle, before making a nom nom sound.
Leaving the Happy Pear café, both David and Stephen bid me farewell, prompting me to call in again sometime when it’s not so busy and when there’s very few people around.