Nation Pleads With Eamon Ryan To Just Shut Up For Five Minutes, Jesus


GREEN Party leader Eamon Ryan has continued to point out simple ways that families can reduce their energy bills and weather the current cost-of-living storm, despite numerous pleas for him to ‘shut the fuck up’ about the subject.

Ryan has noted simple methods such as ‘taking shorter showers’ or ‘cycling more than driving’ as things that could help with soaring energy bills, but has so far been met with exasperation and anger instead of the thumbs up he was looking for.

“If he says switch to long-life bulbs to help tackle energy companies hiking their rates by 30%, I’m going to go for him, I swear it,” said one struggling mum, who added that she also cannot ‘use public transport more often’ as Mr. Ryan suggests, as she lives in the arsehole of nowhere.

Although many appreciate the sentiment put forth by Ryan, most believe that the suggestions he makes are more along the lines of ‘what a child would say at school’, and are especially irritating coming from an elected official with the power to implement real, sweeping change that could genuinely benefit families in need.

“Minister Ryan, thanks for saying that we could tackle food shortages by growing lettuce on our windowsills, big help there buddy, cheers,” said a statement from the newly-convened ‘shut the fuck up Eamon’ Facebook group.

“How about making public transport free to really get some cars off the road while fuel is sky-high? Tackling energy companies who are using scarcities as an opportunity to profiteer? How about you buy me a bicycle, Eamon. Buy me a damn bike and I might use it, because right now I don’t have the fucking price of it, because every bill just doubled in the last month. Buy me a bike, dickhead”.

Mr. Ryan was not approached for comment, but he gave several anyway.