Pretending You Love Your Friend’s Disaster Of A Haircut, A Guide


YOU WILL never know when a friend, trying to stave off a major meltdown or personal crisis will channel all their anxiety into an ill-advised haircut that is so awful you’d need the acting talents of Meryl Streep to disguise your obvious horror.

Here’s GASH’s essential guide on pretending you love your friend’s disaster of a do:

1) Genuinely, and this is not a joke, take acting lessons from the actual Meryl Streep. And don’t delay. Your chance to win the friend Oscar could come at any moment.

2) “Cute, so cute” – compliment bomb your friend like she was Baghdad and this was the invasion of Iraq.

Yes, the compliments will at some point tip over into the ‘too many’ and raise suspicions that you think she looks like a Crufts worst in show reject but if you keep on powering through the high number of compliments will be chalked down to you just having done some coke or something.

3) “Oh my God have you SEEN Ciara’s hair” – pass the responsibility for talking about your friend’s hair onto someone else. In much the same way your parents passed on responsibility for emotionally supporting you to your therapist, you can make some other friend do the heavy lifting.

4) Get the same haircut. How the fuck else are you going to sell the fact you truly think this perm/bangs/shaved head clusterfuck is genuinely a great look for her?

Friendship is pain. Friendship is sacrifice. Friendship is looking like the twins from The Shining after a trip to a Peter Marks where the scissors are spiked with LSD.