Antigen Tests Moved To Same Shelf As Fidget Spinners

SHOP owners across the country have been saddled with hundreds upon thousands of antigen test kits that are now deemed ‘unsellable’, following the nation’s decision that Covid-19 just isn’t a thing anymore.

While once there was a time customers found themselves buying an antigen test out of habit alongside their machine-served americano and a chocolate bar, retail managers are now hustling to get rid of as many of the damn things as they can before the last bit of safety-consciousness disappears from society.

Retailers have slashed the cost of the kits – once deemed essential to the safety and wellbeing of the Irish workforce – down to as little as 99c, while moving them to the shelf with other ‘fad’ items like fidget spinners, reversible plush octopi, and those rubber bubble push-things.

“We had a very limited supply back when we could have actually sold them, as the NPHET advice was that antigen testing wasn’t the way to go,” fumed one garage forecourt operator we spoke to.

“Then they changed their mind and said fuck it, yeah go on, antigen tests are alright. So we flooded our stores with them. And then they turn around and say that hey, 8,000 cases a day is probably alright, testing isn’t really needed any more. Now we can’t give them away”.

While the kits could be donated to lesser-off countries to help with their ongoing struggles with Covid, most retailers are likely to save themselves the hassle and just landfill the things.