Pray For John! He’s Just Brought Up Violence Against Women In The Lads’ WhatsApp


HAVING spent some time listening to the women in his life in recent weeks, John O’Hanley has taken the commendable if a bit insane decision to begin a conversation about violence against women in the lads’ WhatsApp, WWN has learned.

Observing a seemingly neverending parade of distressing headlines relating to violence against women, O’Hanley agonised over drafting a conversation-starting message in his notes app on his phone to place into the BoozeBantsBoobs group which has most recently been dissecting Transfer Deadline Day.

“I suppose it is a systemic problem, and there is a need for society as a whole to move on these issues, not saying it’s easy or straightforward or anything but,” said O’Hanley with the sort of open optimism that suggests he’s as naive as a newborn.

“There, and send,” remarked O’Hanley as blood rushed to his cheeks and his stomach felt like it was put on a spin wash.

Closely eying the group, he spied ‘…is writing’ appearing multiple times as responses failed to materialise.

“Well, it is early afternoon, the lads would be in work, not the exactly supposed to be on the phone,” reasoned O’Hanley as he contemplated a future of being labeled ‘a fucking eejit’ or having ‘grown a vagina’.

Now in the full thrust of panic and regret, O’Hanley hovered over the ‘delete for everyone’ button on his message before realising it was pointless as everyone had read the message.

“Aaron Ramsey to Rangers? Never liked the cunt, now I know why,” responded Gav, in the first correspondence since O’Hanley poured out ‘lads I think we need to examine how we talk about women going forward, and before you pile in, I’m not accusing anyone of anything so don’t pull the not at men all shite we’re not some incel forum. Like Liam, that hassle your sister had on the bus that time, I’m saying if I was there, would I have spoken up, y’know?’.

“See Rihanna’s ruined now,” followed the next message, leading O’Hanley to the blissful realisation that his mates weren’t going to savage or ridicule him but simply ignore any attempt to bring up the subject.