Government Warned Not To Leave Restrictions Announcements To Last Minute, Some Of Us Have Sessions To Plan


DRINKERS around the country are hoping that the Taoiseach’s planned announcement on the easing of restrictions tomorrow takes place early in the day, instead of a late-afternoon speech that would leave very little time to organise the weekend.

“I swear, it’s like these people have never arranged a bender in their whole lives,” said a spokesperson for the Irish Sessioners Association.

“We’ve got hundreds if not thousands of people across the country who need clarity on whether or not they’ll be drinking in a pub or at a house party this weekend. Are nightclubs reopening? Do we need to get a bag? Will we have time to fly up to Newry for cheap cans or not? We demand clarity”.

The government are expected to announce an end to the 8pm closing time imposed at the height of the most recent wave of Covid infections, but are remaining tight-lipped over when these new guidelines might kick in.

“If it’s not coming in for a few weeks, that’s fine. Just let us know that, so we can make the necessary arrangements to get drunk another way, in a different setting with relevant variables,” said the ISA.

“Do we send the lads to a gaff in the country somewhere, do we look for a shebeen, where’s the crisps coming from, where do we get a cunt with a guitar that knows three songs at short notice. The government has leaked every document they’ve had for two years, why not now?”

Meanwhile the entire hospitality industry in Ireland have also stated that they wouldn’t mind a bit of notice as well.