How I Spend My Money: A €19mn Lottery Winner From Mayo


WELCOME to How I Spend My Money, a totally original series on WWN that looks at what people in Ireland really do with their hard-earned cash.

This week we chat to a Mayo native who recently had a minor cash windfall of €19mn and wishes to remain anonymous.

Occupation: Haha fuck that, never working another day in my life.

Age: I’m saying nothing, just think of everyone who’ll be coming out of the woodwork.

Location: Okay fine, Mayo, but you’re not getting another identifying detail out of me.

Salary: One off payment of €19mn.

Monthly expenses

Mortgage: Not anymore.

Household bill: Significant increase as of today – private masseuse, chef, mechanic for the 12 Ferraris, and a personal karoke machine operated by Beyoncé don’t come cheap.


7am: Wake up laughing. Take a scroll through Facebook to check up on all my old enemies. Penniless losers, the lot of them.

8am: Early meeting with private security firm. Spend €10k in first hour but worth it to keep extended family from ever being allowed within 100 metres of me.

9am: Number of job interviews lined up – recruitment firms don’t come cheap, another €5k fee for them to find someone to become my official ‘food taster’.

9.15am: Another €5k fee after first food taster dies from poisoning. Not sure which loved one did it, that’s for second private security firm to find out, but don’t trust the way the dog is eyeballing me.

10am: Do anonymous interview with regional newspaper – give it the big ‘oh I’ll donate virtually all of it to charity’.

10.05am: Set up charity called ‘Me’ in Cayman Islands. Lol.

10.25: Try and fail to purchase Sam Maguire from Tyrone GAA.

11am: Struggling to unwind, inflatable lilo in new heated swimming pool not comfy enough.

12pm: Read up about how a lot of big lotto winners end up bankrupt within a few years. Clear afternoon schedule to properly panic over this fact.

6pm: Fire financial manager I hired this morning. Hiring lad from Cavan instead.

7pm: Ask private chef to head out and get me McDonalds for dinner, need to be more careful with the money.

7.15pm: Feck sake, that’s two food tasters dead in one day. Just can’t get the staff these days.

8pm: Receive 475 emails from distant American relatives looking to explore their Irish roots, really regret doing that AncestryDNA thing a few years ago.

9pm: Do second scroll of Facebook to look at pathetic losers.

9.15pm: Worried the €19mn might be changing me for the worse. Make note to hire someone tomorrow to tell me how humble and down to earth I am.