Recreate The Magic Of Midnight Mass At Home, A Guide
MIDNIGHT MASS might not be on everyone’s must do Christmas list as people are urged to monitor and reduce their interactions, which is why WWN has compiled these essential mood setters allowing you a chance to experience festive mass without the spectre of Covid spread hanging over your head.
Fire up these tips so it feels like you’re really there in the flesh, massing away to your heart’s content:
Switch off the heat at home for the preceding 72 hours to recreate the icy cold of your local church. If you’re not worried you have hypothermia it’s not cold enough.
Invite an elderly in person into your home, and ask them to sit behind you for an hour while dry coughing. If they don’t have a disturbingly dry scalp, you may have to provide your own dandruff.
As a stand-in for being lectured to by an elderly celibate man with a warped view of the world, keep a Jordan Peterson video ticking along in the background on Youtube.
With the sound of someone droning on and on and on you can now really let your mind wander like you do when you’re in mass. Why not rank your favourite Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles again, imagine what Beyoncé and Jay Z are up to right now, or mentally torture yourself by reliving an embarrassing moment from your life.
Match the unbearable boredom of mass by leaving your phone in another room and stare at the wall for an hour too.
To recreate the incense burning and smoke created in the metal censer simply block your chimney and light the fire.
Commit to doing at least 100 squats to replicate the up and down kneeling mass offers its participants. It’s important to never look confident when doing this, and always take a look over your shoulder to see if the old person you invited in off the street is doing it too – let them take the lead.
Get your Mam to recreate the rapid fire gossiping that’s usually done as she settles into a pew by asking her to scroll through her Facebook, point at locals and say ‘they look all happy families there but let me tell you Tríona Carthy says he’s riding the neighbour’.