REACTING to an Irish Times poll that places them as top performing party across a significant amount of demographics, Sinn Féin have confirmed ‘ew’ when it dawned on them this meant traditionally non-RAing middle class voters too.
“Like, 4×4 mother at school gates in D4land middle class? Shops in M&S and doesn’t even moan about how expensive it is middle class? The belts out Ireland’s Call at the Aviva middle class? I think I’m going to be sick,” said a Sinn Féin spokesperson, while also giving it the ‘yeah, yeah, sure we’re a party for everyone’ line.
“I can just hear them now confidently enunicating foreign words even though they’re not remotely fluent in Italian or French,” continued the SF man, who confirmed leader Mary Lou McDonald’s middle class credentials don’t count as she has reached the necessary ‘shouting tiocfaidh ár lá’ quota for 100 people.
Despite the dawning realisation of their new status Sinn Féin largely welcomed the poll while ignoring the fact it also found Leo Varadkar to be more popular than McDonald.
“Look it, we’ll take these voters I suppose, as long as they don’t start moaning when our ‘solving housing and health solutions’ turns out to be just us shouting ‘everyone voted for us to force a border poll immediately’ 24/7,” added the spokesperson.
“We’re not ‘eat the rich’ communists but we’re also not willing to listen to someone say a rioja has notes of fermented nutty pineapple or whatever, wine is just tipsy Ribena and that’s the party’s official stance,” concluded the spokesperson, beginning to wonder if winning an election would even be worth it if it involves representing people who willingly watch those Michael Portillo train programmes.
Elsewhere, in attempt to win over working class voters Fine Gael have unveiled an advertising campaign called ‘sure didn’t we give you no good moochers the PUP’.
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