Man Watching ‘Succession’ Wishes His Family Were That Loving

LOCAL MAN Stephen O’Byrne can’t help but feel the pangs of jealousy as he watches HBO’s Succession, finding it hard at times to watch a cast of characters whose tight family bonds are far more firm and loving than his own.

“I dunno, I get bit upset sometimes watching it. They’re all so warm to one another, it’s just a world away from my family. There’s a softness to the way they relate that makes me realise I had a rather cold childhood,” explained O’Byrne.

“Some people tend not to like violent movies and shows, but for me I can’t bare to watch functioning family units like the Roys, it’s too painful,” added O’Byrne, who wishes his father was nice enough to make earning Daddy’s love feel like a decade in solitary confinement in Guantanamo Bay.

“Like I could never see myself and my sister sitting down for a chat where I volley highly sexualised barbs at her, or my auld lad, what I wouldn’t give to be told to fuck off. But I suppose that’s the point of feelgood dramas, they’re aspirational and downright unattainable,” a sorrowful O’Byrne said, as he watched Succession through the mist of the tears gathering in his eyes.

“It’s not all bad though, I do have a deeply homoerotic and unsettling friendship with a lanky human ostrich I mentally torture just like Tom does Greg, so there’s that,” added O’Byrne.

Fully surrendering to his emotions, a sniffling O’Byrne urged those lucky enough to have a loving and functioning family to treasure those precious moments, like when your deviant brother calls you Cuckleberry Finn and hopes you die.