Eamon Ryan Sets Off On Long, Difficult Bike Ride To Glasgow For COP26

CONFIDENT that everyone has waited for him to receive his all-clear backup Covid test before getting down to anything too serious at COP26, Green Party leader Eamon Ryan has finally set off on his zero-emissions trip from Dublin to Glasgow for the remainder of the summit.

“It’s Ryan time!” beamed the jubilant Dublin South TD as he strapped on his bicycle helmet for the first leg of his journey, an arduous 10 hour cycle to Belfast where he will then swim the treacherous crossing from Larne to Stranraer.

“After that, it’s a handy transfer in the comfort of a rickshaw cycled by a team of like-minded eco warriors for another 8 hours or so. If I set off now, I’ll be there for Wednesday, have a wipe-down with a washable rag and a sip of rainwater and then it’ll be time to bust a few skulls, ha ha!”

Meanwhile the Green TD’s late arrival to the event is being met with exasperation by organisers, who had hoped to have wrapped up by now.

“We’d love to pull the shutters and go to the pub, but this Irish lad hasn’t had his say yet so we’re all just hanging around” said staff at COP26, tidying away chairs and polishing the floors while waiting for Ryan to arrive.

Ryan will have 9 minutes to speak to whoever’s left at the event when he arrives on Wednesday, before being turned around and sent back to Ireland with a banana for energy and best wishes for the journey.