If Ireland Was Run By Anti-Vaxxers


MOST Irish people express deep dissatisfaction with, and a healthy suspicion of, Irish politicians, but what if the one group of perfectly sane and capable people who confidently believe they know ‘the truth’ were put in charge? Using the latest cutting news technology we speculate below:

Ireland’s road deaths spiral to over 10,000 deaths a year after the lifting of compulsory seat belts in cars, along with the scrapping of all speed limits across the country.

Equal numbers of deaths are reported across a range of industries including construction sectors where harnesses and hard hats are totally banned. Thousands more perish in leisure sector too, where a high number of scuba divers drown after abandoning masks and oxygen tanks. However, there is some good news as the dwindling population has plenty of places to live as homes of the dead become available.

HSE staffing issues are finally sorted after a new law sees anyone who ‘did their own research’ online immediately qualified as a doctor. Chemotherapy is banned in favour of homeopathy which further increases the availability of housing across the country.

Tens of thousands of members of the LGBT community are arrested and branded as paedophiles by a jury of patriots and banned from walking on streets.

RTÉ is overthrown and now run by several conspiracy theory YouTube channels. Gemma O’Doherty takes over the 6:30 news from Sharon Ní Bheoláin, following a newly instated half hour Angelus. One good thing is ads can now be skipped after 5 seconds.

The dentistry industry booms as fluoride is taken out from the water forcing many Irish people to remortgage their homes.

There is an inquiry into the education sector over corruption after it’s discovered that the School of Hard Knocks and the University of Life received 100% of the state’s total funding.

The newly instated government delivers a total of 4 tonnes of CBD oil to homeowners affected by the mica scandal and told to apply it twice a day to ‘heal the cracks’.

Special colour-killing sunglasses are distributed to the nation to block out any rainbows that appear in the sky, thus negating the pro-homosexual propaganada from the weather-controlling deep state.

Rosaries are made complusory, although the order of prayers is switched to one Hail Mary and Ten Our Fathers – a much more realistic, male-centred take on the classic torrent of prayer.