“Don’t Worry, Data Centres Have Huge Back-Up Generators,” Ryan Eases Blackout Fears


MINISTER for Transport and Napping Eamon Ryan has stated that while electricity supply in Ireland will be tight over the next few years, the nation need not worry as he was told data centres have huge backup generators to keep them going if power drops.

“Oh please, don’t worry, those multinational boys are well prepared if they end up sucking up all of Ireland’s electricity and cause a blackout,” the Green Party leader reassured, “each centre has multi-million euro backup generators and can actually keep them going for days while the rest of the country remains in darkness – it’s amazing tech when you think about it”.

Speaking from his face hole earlier, Ryan also guaranteed that the 70 or so data centres will also continue using 500,000 litres of water a day – sometimes multiples of that figure when temperatures soar – no matter if water restrictions are imposed on the rest of the country.

“I just want to put any multi-billion euro corporation fears to bed when I say Ireland is here for them through drought, blackouts or even famine and we will do everything in our power to prioritise tax evading companies like Google, Facebook and Amazon above our own people and any climate criteria we’ve promised,” Ryan insisted, making sure the Green Party agenda is clear – they will sacrifice all their principles in return for money and power.

Despite dozens more centres securing planning permission on top of the 70 already here, Ryan doesn’t believe there will be any real issues with blackouts to the rest of the country.

“If you numpties can just make sure to turn off the lights when you’re not using them then we could probably fit another 100 or so of these things around the country, thanks,” he concluded with his vacant straight face.