Bustling Economic Titan Of A Country Opens First New Train Station Since 2013


IRELAND, the runaway prosperous economic juggernaut which is the envy of the world, has once again stoked the fires of jealousy everywhere after it opened it’s first new train station in 7 years.

“How do they do it?” a who’s who of leading economies pondered as the Pelletstown station was unveiled by Minister for Lettuce Eamon Ryan.

“Now don’t take that time table as gospel or anything, and remember if a leaf or two falls on the tracks you’ll have to make alternative travel arrangements,” confirmed an Irish Rail spokesperson.

“You have to admire how decisive and fast acting Ireland is, we cower, shameful of our rank ineptitude in comparison to them,” added a raft of nations who once foolishly thought of themselves as rivals to Ireland’s never ending development and prosperity.

“Our admiration and jealousy is infinite; to transform a small country into such an easily navigated landscape where you can work and live anywhere with ease is truly worth aspiring to”.

With a growing population, increase demand on local services and a need for 50,000 homes to be built a year for the next decade, if the government keeps up this pace it will be on course to open its next station in rapid fire fashion some time in 2029.

Meanwhile, the Dublin Metro Link has been added to Ireland’s list of myths alongside Finn MacCool, the Children of Lir and Bertie Ahern.

Elsewhere, upon hearing of Ireland’s progress the North Korean Central News Agency has urged its viewers to have a whip round and send all it can to help ‘the crumbling Leprechaun people who dream of trains in their sleep’.