Heavy Rain Forecast, Thank Fuck


FEARS that the nation would head into the winter with nothing to keep the dust down have been allayed by Met Éireann, who have confirmed that a long-awaited heavy rain was on the way.

Following weeks of unseasonably mild conditions, the majority of Ireland is expected to receive a fair drop of rain over the next few days, with some counties set to see ‘the pissings of rain altogether’.

The inclement weather will come as a relief not just to miserable bastards who hated the warm weather, but also to those who feared that the overly mild September they experienced was some sort of signal that climate change might be a real thing.

“We’re back on track with lashing rain heading in to October, thank God” said one Waterford man we spoke to, who had feared his big coat would stay in the wardrobe all winter.

“They had me worried there with the warm September, which went way past the allotted two weeks of hot sun when the kids go back to school. Luckily, we’re back on track now with the rain. Good, wet rain, too. It just proves that my initial thoughts on climate change were correct! Which is good news, because otherwise people in coastal areas like myself here in Waterford would be fairly fucked, haha!”.

Met Éireann have also warned of a few ‘fierce cold’ days ahead too, but at the same time have not ruled out fierce mild days too.