Inspiring! This Nation Lost 5st After Being Fed Bullshit By Government For A Year

IT’S the weight loss sensation that’s keeping an entire country slim and trim! Introducing the all-bullshit diet that has the combined BMI of the population of Ireland down to near-famine levels!

Recommended by governments around the world, science has proven that people can live more compliant, docile lives if they simply adhere to the following plan:

• Stick to your recommended daily intake of lines such as ‘we’re all in this together’ and ‘tax-breaks for multi-national companies are vital to the economy’. Recent, more pandemic-focused bullshit lines such as ‘the virus doesn’t transmit in schools’ and ‘we acted within the spirit of regulations’ have proven very effective, too!
• Spinning classes are popular in gyms, but not as popular as the spinning your government gets up to. Keeping up with your elected officials as they hit you with lines from their PR consultants is mentally and physically exhausting, and proven to burn those calories!
• Feel like giving up? Stay motivated by tuning in to promises that better times are just around the corner, and that the state of the nation today is someone else’s fault. The current government are all over these problems! Housing? Sorted! Carbon emissions? On it! Keep the faith!
• Not seeing the results you’d like? It’s very possible that you’re not doing as well as you deserve due to people such as social welfare recipients, dole cheats, or that lady up the road who has 8 kids by three different fathers. Rest assured, the government certainly isn’t failing anyone. If you want to be angry at someone, be angry at a minority!

And remember, if the current government’s all-bullshit diet plan doesn’t work for you, feel free to vote in a new government. It’s very possible they’ve got some bullshit of their own for you to try!