Majority Of Nation’s Scam Calls Traced Back To Zappone Looking For A Job

GARDAÍ believe they have finally gotten to the bottom of the scourge of scam calls that have plagued Irish people for much of this year, after the majority of calls were traced back to former Minister for Children, Katherine Zappone.

“After a brief glance at the texts she was sending to Simon Coveney, we feel like we can close this case,” a garda spokesperson said on the relentless series of texts sent to the Fine Gael minister as part of inquiries into her appointment as a Special Envoy.

The news will be of huge relief to many members of the public who feared such a high volume of calls was part of some sort of sophisticated scam aimed at extracting money from their banks accounts, when in reality it was a sophisticated lobbying effort aimed at extracting money from the taxpayer.

“We’d speculate Katherine just got the phone book out and was making her way, A to Z, through surnames to ask ‘any jobs going’ but of course everyone these days people just flat out ignore a number they don’t recognise,” added the garda spokesman.

Elsewhere, A&E doctors have appealed to members of Fine Gael to refrain from going on airwaves and TV to defend Coveney as it has resulted in a number of them requiring treatment after tying themselves in knots making excuses for him.

Similarly, opticians have asked Toaiseach Micheál Martin to drop in for an eye test after reportedly seeing nothing wrong with how Zappone’s appointment came about.