BY NOW, everyone knows that wine is the healthiest drink you can consume in large quantities and is 9 times more beneficial than water, with even calls from those in the health and wellness community to include both white and red wine taps into every home in the country.
Thanks to ongoing research, we now know a range of benefits from drinking at least one bottle of wine every single night, which we’ve compiled below.
Due to its high alcohol content, wine can help you get drunk quicker and is a great option as a pre-going-out-drink with friends you want to chastise later in the night for not sticking up for you when you’re refused entry to your favourite pub by a bouncer.
Wine helps regulate blood sugar by infusing your blood with sugar which is ideal for hangovers the next day; just drink another bottle of wine and your hangover quickly disappears.
Wine is the perfect beverage for just sitting at home peacefully and relaxing with your family before your partner irks you by pointing out that you’re scaring the children with your shouting and what the actual fuck would they know anyway.
Quickly skulling the first three quarters of the bottle has been proven to help you mull over the final glass and persuade you to open bottle number two and later sleep-pissing in the wardrobe at 3am because your brain is too fried to remember where the bathroom is.
Wine is low in cholesterol and also great for lowering your IQ.
Drinking one bottle of wine every night has been proven to give you buckets of confidence the next day and is ideal for motorists and daily commuters who just want to rage the fuck out at other motorists for simply driving their cars slightly differently to you.
Children of parents who drink one or two bottles of wine every night are 20 times more inclined to stay in their rooms all evening until it’s time to go to bed.
Drinking a bottle of white wine straight after drinking a bottle of red cancels out all effects of the red wine and most memories in-between.
Doctors suggest drinking a litre of wine every night for a good night’s sleep apnea.
Wine is also a great way of suppressing emotions and problems, so by drinking a bottle every night of the week you will never have to deal with deep seethed trauma ever again.
Drinking a double whiskey chaser with every glass of wine can boost your serotonin levels by 100% and give you superhuman strength when gardaí try to forcibly remove you from your own home for your family’s safety.
Wine is rich in antioxidants, which is great because it is packed full of toxins like alcohol, sugar.
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