Climate Scientists Advise Storing Earth In A Cool, Dry Place Away From Direct Sunlight


ACCEPTING that political and business leaders seem incapable of embracing actual climate change measures which would prevent a warming of the planet, climate scientists have suggested simply storing the Earth is a cool dry place out of the way of direct sunlight.

Stating that is the only course of action worth pursuing now that world leaders have demonstrated their profound lack of interest in preventing the ruination of the planet, the scientists set their out of office email to ‘we’re fucking out of here, no one is listening anyway’.

“Think of the planet as the food in your kitchen, think of it as a house plant, think of it as anything that convinces you to be proactive and proactive now,” shared an irritated scientist.

“What else? Don’t put it in the microwave, especially not if it’s wrapped in tinfoil, but who am I kidding you people will take that as invitation or a dare,” added the scientist, who was secretly hoping such a dumbfoundingly impossible request as storing the Earth in a cool place would pique the interest of some idiot billionaire.

“Hey, sounds like a plan, I’m in,” confirmed Elon Musk as set about building some giant ‘Earth magnets’ he plans on launching into space by the end of the month.

Mindful of the fact that politicians will continue to ignore wide spread wildfires, other extreme and devastating weather events, and the fact 2020 was the warmest year on record in Europe, the scientists went in search of the nearest cool dry place and cracked open a bottle of whiskey.