Varadkar Won’t Rest Until He Finds Out Who’s Responsible For Not Reopening Events Industry


“THAT sonovabitch, when I find him, he will pay and how,” a defiant Tánaiste Leo Varadkar said, raising an angry fist to the sky, such was his continued anger at the mysterious villain responsible for stopping the events industry from reopening.

Taking a step back to fully take in the floor to ceiling collection of pictures, maps, thumb tacks and red twine linking disparate elements together in search for an answer, Varakdar rolled up his sleeves, ignored the fact the clock read 3.41am and continued working.

“What cruel, malevolent force would prevent the government from doing what it has wanted to do for months which was simply to provide clarity and a road map to closed industries,” Varadkar said now pouring over a photograph with a magnifying glass.

“No, it couldn’t be,” added Varadkar, as he inspected the grainy photograph taken at night which showed what appeared to be Micheál Martin, Eamon Ryan and Leo Varadkar shaped silhouettes.

“The crafty bastard is dressing up like us, to make it appear like the government is the one in control and could have updated guidelines at any time in recent weeks and months, a dastardly foe to be sure”.

On the verge of a breakthrough in the case, Varadkar was then distracted by the sight of Emmanuel Macron on TV arriving to Ireland for his first official state visit.

“Ah feck it, this can wait. It’s selfie time”.