Food Shortages Due To Brexit Absolutely Part Of Our Genius Plan, Confirms Johnson


PM BORIS JOHNSON has sought to reassure the British public amid food shortages and warnings of further shortages during the Christmas period, stating that this is all part of the plan.

“That feeling in your stomach you think is a pang of hunger is actually just Great British Pride,” confirmed Johnson, “not stomach distress but Brexit success”.

Johnson’s attempt at coherent comment comes as Britain is gripped by ‘Milkshake Madness’, a debilitating delirium and psychosis that affects people queuing in McDonalds driv-thrus looking for a milkshake only to be told there is a shortage.

Not long after Nandos shuttered some branches due to supply chain issues caused by Brexit, and as current immigration red tape exacerbates a labour shortage and as supermarket chiefs warn of Christmas food shortages, Johnson remains keen to stress the positive of such demonstrable negatives.

“Nothing focuses the mind like hunger Brexit success, another day, another triumph,” added Johnson, fully embracing discussing an easy topic like ‘where is all the food?’ rather than discussing how his Foreign Secretary thinks you can ‘close the sea’.

“And once we’re all staring at months and months of empty shelves, and product shortages it is only then will it finally sink in for everyone – we were geniuses to Brexit,” concluded Johnson, happy to prattle on endlessly if it means he doesn’t have to answer questions on Afghanistan and dozens of other failings.