US Pleads With Taliban To Let It Flee Country In Orderly Fashion

THE new self-appointed Taliban government has given the US military until August 31st to get it’s ugly, yellow, no-good keister off their property before they fill their guts full of lead, WWN has learned.

Eager as anyone to get out of the area as swiftly as possible, the Pentagon has urged the Taliban to just give them a little bit more time and they’ll be out of their beard, no questions asked, just a couple more days and then the new Afghan regime ‘won’t have to look at us any more’.

“We’re extracting some 3,000 personnel and their families every day, the Taliban have to accept that it’s simply not that easy to fuck off with your tail between your legs” explained one US source, as Kabul airport continued to experience the type of chaos normally reserved for weekend Ryanair flights to Newcastle.

“And even at that rate, we’re managing to do it with a little bit of dignity, not much mind you, but a bit. Nobody’s running around screaming, well, not much anyway. And if it’s ok with the Taliban, we’d like to keep it that way. Come on guys, it’s the least you can do for all those nice shiny new guns we bought you. Well, y’know, we bought them for the other guys but we suppose they’re yours now”.

Meanwhile British PM Boris Johnson is to chair a special G7 meeting on the evacuation of Afghanistan, which is certain to solve everything.