Wally The Walrus Now Up To 5 Boats A Day


CONCERNS have been raised for the wellbeing of South-west Ireland’s newest maritime tourist attraction Wally The Walrus, as his addiction to wrecking boats continues to worsen.

“When he got here first, he would wreck maybe one boat a day, tops. A week later, he’s up to five” said Jim Harribaton, one of Cork’s finest walrusorians.

“And it’s only going to get worse. A young lad like Wally, he should be mounting maybe one boat or dinghy a week, if that. But with the abundance of people in the area who want to get a better look at him, he’s got boats all over him and what’s a walrus to do in a situation like that? It’s easy for us to say ‘pace yourself Wally’, but he’s only human”.

Efforts to get Wally off the boats so far have included a fake floating platform, boat patches that he wears on his fins and even help from a hypnotist that claimed to be able to cure any addiction, but so far Wally hasn’t been able to flip the habit.

“I mean, I suppose we could keep our boats away from him while he’s in the area, but that’d be just daft” said one local, who intends to take a jaunt out into the bay to see if he can see the now-famous mammal.

“Besides, I’m confident that if he attempts to clamber aboard my boat I’ll be able to fend him off. What does he weigh, 600, 700 kilos or so? That’s heavy on land but on sea I’d say I’ll be able to steer him to where I want him to be. Unless weeks of dealing with Cork people has left him confused and violent, but how likely is that?”.

Experts state that Wally may have found himself off the coast of Cork due to climate change, or maybe he just likes the taste of the boats there.