Company Celebrates 18th Month Of Blaming Covid For Shite Customer Service


THERE were celebratory scenes at a sparsely manned call centre today as local enterprise CS Solutions marked its 18th month providing shite costumer service to all five of its contracted companies, WWN reports.

Despite continually losing hundreds of calls an hour in a never ending queue of customer queries, managers Donal Phealan and Teresa Hynes congratulated their absent staff for all their work from home over the past year and a half and somehow managing to keep their lucrative business contracts alive.

“I can’t believe we’re still getting away with this shit,” a group email began, with the subject line ‘Holy Fuck We’re Still In Business!’, “we couldn’t have done it without you guys working from home and continually using the Covid excuse for every single issue raised.

“You guys are a testament to how passive our customer base really are and hopefully we can continue to use the office restrictions excuse for the foreseeable future”.

Flooded with an array of complaints ranging from ‘no one is answering calls’ to ‘I’m actually going to burn down your call centre if you don’t sort my query’, CS Solutions now actively forward all complaints to a humourously labeled ‘black hole of Calcutta’ email address – one of the only new business decisions made at the company since March 2020.

“We can just delete all those horrible emails ‘by accident’ when everyone is back in the office again next year,” Phealan and Hynes insisted, now opening a bottle of 5 euro champagne bought in Aldi last Christmas. “Hopefully by then all these eejits ringing in will have forgotten how we never bothered to adapt to the new normal,” before raising a toast, “Onwards and upwards, guys!”