Mattie McGrath’s Guide To Direct Comparisons


SOMETIMES it is hard to know if one scenario, situation or historical event is comparable to something else as Tipp TD Mattie McGrath found out yesterday when the Auschwitz Museum criticised his comments comparing contentious guidelines around eating indoors and Covid Certs to the onset of Nazism in Germany which resulted in the Holocaust.

Fully aware that McGrath probably knows more about this stuff than whatever an Auschwitz Museum is, WWN, in a bid to better understand how to land on an apt comparison when you see one, sought the independent TD’s expertise:

Being asked to depart a bus after shitting your pants and smearing your faeces on the windows = “I know exactly what it was like for Rosa Parks, we are one in the same, fighting the good fight”.

Chipping a nail = “I’d swap places with them lads beheaded by ISIS, honestly, they had it easy. My pain is on a scale never experienced by anyone else”.

Delivery guy forgetting to give you the can of Coke you ordered = “He’s worse than them famine loving Brits of the 1840s”.

Being forced to stand in a queue outside Spar for 12 seconds = “Mandela’s long walk to freedom has nothing on this”.

Having to reduce your speed to 30km an hour as you approach a primary school = “This is how it starts, next you’ll be telling me I can’t blow up orphanages”.

Being called a backward bog-dwelling troll with the mental dexterity of a burst tomato for holding the backward views of a bog-dwelling troll with the mental dexterity of a burst tomato = “Guantanamo Bay sounds like a holiday camp compared to the criticism I’m getting. Uighurs Muslims in China, let me tell you what real torture is”.

“Sorry sir, but we are actually out of the goat’s cheese salad, would you like something else?” = “What is this Orwellian nightmare in which my every move is being tracked”.

“What? We just said we’re out of the salad” = “That’s what you’re saying now but I know you want to send me to Room FM104!”

I’m thinking of comparing somewhat decisive public health measures to the Holocaust = “A fantastic idea that could only be dreamed up by a towering intellect with the brain power of a lobotomised toad”.