Government Introduce 10% Hike In Not Giving A Fuck


NEW legislation rushed through in a late-night vote yesterday will mean the government will no longer give a fuck what you think about foreign investment funds hoovering up entire housing estates, WWN can report.

The motion was passed last night, minutes after an earlier vote that saw so-called ‘cuckoo funds’ rendered exempt from stamp duty when bulk-buying housing units to lease back to the State, which came with a government apology for having the audacity to suggest such a thing in the first place.

Speaking exclusively to WWN, a Department of Housing spokesperson expressed their relief at not having to give a bollocks any more, and added that the nation should ‘wait and see what we get up to next’.

“We could not continue to let investment funds muscle Irish people out of the housing markets if we had to keep caring about what people thought about us,” we were informed.

“This new ruling means we can really let rip. If you thought that the housing crisis was bad now, leave us at it for another four years. We’ll not just give these lads exemption from stamp duty, we’ll give them a god damn discount on everything they buy. The quicker you people realise that these are pals of ours that have done a lot for us so we’re going to look after them. If you don’t like it, there’s nothing we can do. No seriously, as of yesterday, there’s nothing we can legally do. Hashtag sorry not sorry, bye now”.

Meanwhile, many in the Irish media have agreed that while all this is suboptimal, it’s infinitely better than anything an opposition party could come up with.