The Government’s Plan For What Happens When Renters Reach Retirement Age


WITH rents reaching ever-more extraordinary levels and young people continuing to be priced out of the housing market, questions are being asked about what the government thinks will happen when these people hit retirement age and do not own a home of their own.

Luckily, a spokesperson for the Department of Housing has assured WWN that the matter is ‘in hand’, and that concrete plans are in place for when hundreds of thousands of renters cross the age of 65 and their income plummets while their rent remains high.

“Yes, that’s all taken care of. I know that owning your home is a security thing, that you know you’re not going to end up on the street in your 70s because you can”t afford your rent and you have no savings because you’ve been handing over 60% of your wages to a private landlord for your whole life” assured a government aide today.

“What’s that? You’d like to see the policy we’ve devised? Ehm, okay… wait here a second, I’ll just go in and get it. Be right back. Unless you have somewhere to be? In which case, on you go, I’ll make sure a copy of it gets to you later. Okay, bye now”.

Hours later, we approached the government building to see when our man would be coming out again with this portfolio of ideas as to how to handle the looming crisis, only to be told that the documents were in another building.

“But by all means, it’s there” we were told.

“Besides, what’s your rush to know a solution? It won’t be needed for forty years or so. Relax, there’s no rush. Just continue to pay rent and relax, we’ve got this all under control”.

The spokesperson then told us that they were very tired, and had to go asleep right now, despite it only being half six in the afternoon.