Government Sign HSE Up To Free 30 Day Trial For AVG Anti-Virus


IN A CLEAR sign that it’s definitely a case of ‘lesson learned’ the Government dispatched the Department of Defence this morning to sign the HSE up to a free 30 day trial of AVG Anti-Virus in response to the biggest cyber attack in the history of the State.

“Now the free trial is only for the one computer, so you’ll all just have to use the one old HP one running on Windows 97 from now on. And let’s hope it just keeps going after the 30 days are up” a government spokesperson told the HSE as the ransomware attack continues to wreak havoc.

Responding to the ongoing hack as it entered its 5th day, the head of Ireland’s National Cyber Security Centre wasn’t able to provide comment because they don’t exist as the government has failed to fill the role for over 12 months mainly due to offering an insultingly low and uncompetitive salary for the position.

“In fairness now, who could have seen this coming?” offered Minister for Defence Simon Coveney, whose own department issued a report as far back as 2015 warning of such hacking threats before the National Risk Assessment reports of 2016, 2017, 2018 and 2019 warned of exactly the same.

“Rest assured the government has provided the NCSC with all it needs to protect Ireland from future attacks,” added Coveney, of the outfit that only has 25 staff, no dedicated premises to work from, no director and up until last year a budget of less than €2mn.

“And to think some people are trying to pin the blame on the government, cyblur hackling is just one of those things you can’t plan against,” offered Minister for Communications Eamon Ryan shortly before clicking on a ‘Collect Your Lottery Winnings By Entering Your Account Details’ email.