Getting In With Someone Who’ll Let You Use Their Staff Discount: A Guide

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FINDING out that a friend, neighbour, relative or well-wisher has access to a staff-only discount in their place of work that you can use to make massive savings from time to time is perhaps one of the only remaining reasons to form any sort of human bond with anyone; but how do you get your foot in this discount door, and how do you stay there?

1) Let them offer

Nothing will have you on the express train to full-price city quicker than asking a new acquaintance if you can use their staff discount. Allow the offer to come naturally, or it may not come at all. To this end, you may want to hedge your bets by befriending several people who work in the same place at or around the same time.

2) Don’t take the piss

This is important; don’t over do it. If someone offers their discount, only use it sparingly, and for small amounts at a time. For a clothes shop for example; don’t go in with a phonebook sized list for the whole family. Play it cool, hotshot! We want this discount to last for life, not just blow our entire wad the first day and get cut off.

3) Never attempt to kidnap the employee and assume their identity

Although it may seem tempting to abduct your employee friend, undergo extensive cosmetic surgery and ‘take over’ their life while they remain chained up in your attic just so you can have unfettered, around-the-clock access to their staff discount in Penneys, we strongly suggest that you refrain from doing this. You’ll thank us in the long run!

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