CURRENT worst Minister for Housing in living memory Eoghan Murphy has announced his resignation as TD after achieving what was presumably a lifelong goal of enhancing the housing crisis while overseeing the emergence of a burgeoning tent city along the banks of the Grand Canal Henry St and dozens of other locations.
“Fair play to him, he went out at absolute rock bottom but I think he’s a little afraid Darragh O’Brien or the pandemic will claim credit for how fucked the housing situation is, which would be more of a tragedy than that homeless man put in hospital by a JCB,” said one insider.
Murphy explained his rationale in an interview on RTÉ which amounted to a version of ‘I’m just not arsed representing constituents as they struggle with the effects of the ongoing pandemic and economic shutdown anymore’, stating he will now pursue a bizarre career change from overseeing an increase in homeless children to moving into ‘human rights and international diplomacy’.
“I want to rid the world of nuclear weapons in much the same way I disarmed young people of their hope to one day own a home,” he said in one exchange.
Insiders suggest that despite the complete lack of success, Murphy isn’t fully happy with his contribution during his time as a minister, with his one regret being his failure invent technology that made literally converting homeless people into boutique hotels a reality.
“Best leave the whole ‘Minister for No Housing’ off the CV, maybe a name change too, do the whole ‘right to be forgotten’ Google scrubbing thing,” offered one recruitment expert.
Murphy told those who are worried about him that he would be okay as he could co-live with his ministerial pension in due course.
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