087 Phone Users Think They’re Better Than Everyone Else, Study Finds


A NEW report has revealed a long-running rivalry among mobile phone customers in Ireland, with many people under the impression that their choice of signal carrier somehow makes them a higher class of people, WWN can reveal.

“Although service providers in Ireland are now all mostly as shit as each other, there was a time when certain carriers were considered more ‘premium’ by customers, and their mobile prefixes are now held as a badge of honour” explained Dr. Visjan O’Neill, head of Snobology in Trinity College.

“So you have people who still have the same 087 number that they’ve always had, who now look down on the late-to-the-market 089 prefix, which due to its cheaper tariffs is considered a lesser service and indeed, suitable for only a lesser class of person. Even though pretty much all networks cost the same and all have loads of dead spots around the country, 087-ers think they’re top dog”.

Speaking to an 087 user who did not wish to be named, WWN drilled down on just what it is about his prefix that makes him better than everyone else.

“Back in the day, 087 was the best coverage but the 085 numbers were much cheaper”, we were told.

“So even though your mates had phones, you could never contact them ‘cos they had no bars. So yeah, even to this day when someone says they’re on 085, I think ‘you dumb short-sighted bastard’. Even if they only bought the phone last week”.

Meanwhile 086 users remain in the doghouse due to that prefix beginning life as Esat Digifone, and the ill taste that whole thing leaves in the mouth.