How Fucked Would You Be If You Had To Sit The Leaving Cert Again Tomorrow?


A SERIES of exams undertaken by 17-18 year olds at breakneck speed over a short period time, all while being subjected to the frantic ramblings of those who previously sat them many moons ago, the Leaving Cert ain’t easy.

Despite the difficult many previous Leaving Cert sitters maintain it is, to use a technical term, ‘a piece of piss’. What if you were in the hot seat once again tomorrow, how would you fair on our scientific scale measuring various levels of intellectual prowess we have named ‘how fucked would you be’?

1-2: I actually did very, very well when I sat them, not that it’s something I dwell on, but I’d fuckin’ kill it again (550 points, for those wondering).

3-4: As long as I could still pull on the emergency ‘Daddy will sort a job for me’ lever, it doesn’t really matter how I’d do.

5-6: Oh my God, pretending I still have nightmares about sitting them is basically my whole personality. But I’d cope about as well as Dublin Airport does with a queue.

7-8: My brain shut down and has remained idle ever since I did it so yup, I’ve a wet pork chop where my brain should be. I’m thicker than reinforced elephant shite, please don’t make me do this everyone in work thinks I’m smart!

9-10: Ah Christ, I’d just break both my arms rather than risk having a piece of paper confirm how much my brain has turned to mush. Is it still as easy as ever to nip to the toilets, grab your secret notes and cheat?