White House Staff Beg Biden To Not Do That Thing Where He Goes Quiet & Doesn’t Blink

SEVERAL members of Joe Biden’s administration and a number of war-hardened secret service members have been placed on stress leave after reporting that they can ‘no longer cope’ with the president’s frequent zone-outs where it looks like he’s after dropping dead.

It is believed the 78-year-old Biden frequently just stops talking during meetings, stares straight ahead and does not blink for minutes at a time, causing no end of panic for the staff at hand until he just comes ‘back in the room’ with a celebratory meeting over the passing of the $1.9tn relief bill just the latest example.

“The president likes to take a ‘moment of pause’ to reflect on difficult decisions and it looks for all the world like he’s dropped dead where he’s sitting” said one source close to the Oval Office pacing around the Rose Garden outside the White House, chain-smoking cigarettes to calm down after Biden ‘did a Joe again’ at a briefing meeting.

“The face masks don’t help either, that’s for sure. And the dogs aren’t here to do the ‘bite test’ on him. We’re talking four, five minutes at a time when the man doesn’t blink, just stares ahead, slightly slumped in his chair. And won’t answer when you talk to him, either. ‘Mr President, are you okay?’ we’ll ask, and he won’t respond until we’re approaching him with a mirror to see if he’s breathing and then he’ll just snap back to life and start issuing orders. Vice President Harris has yelled at him to ‘not do that corpse shit again’, we’ve heard her through the doors”.

President Biden has yet to respond on the matter, in fact he’s been quiet all morning, and it doesn’t appear that he’s touched his coffee, and oh Jesus is he even breathing, oh God someone call… no, wait, he’s fine, he’s fine.