Blessing Of Vaccines May Be Slowing Down Delivery, Government Admit

THE government has conceded that there may be a number of ways to streamline the vaccination process in Ireland, which at the moment has a number of inefficiencies that are resulting in frustrating communication, implementation and overall slow rollout.

New measures to speed up vaccinations include:

– An immediate removal of the church from the process, as having the Vatican painstakingly bless every vial of vaccine was slowing things down to a teeth-pulling degree. Instead, all vaccines will be blessed in bulk, while in transit by a specially trained pilot priest.

– Vaccination staff will be forbidden from chatting to the ‘jabees’ during the process, as so far the Irish tendency to natter on is eating up valuable injecting time. Phrases such as ‘terrible carry on, isn’t it?’ and ‘did you ever think you’d see something like this, eh?’ are banned immediately.

– All people waiting to be vaccinated must wear only a white vest, to save precious ‘roll up your sleeve’ time. This is being referred to as ‘the Die Hard rule’.

– Once frowned upon, the vaccination of family members by hospital staff is now welcomed, with the government eager to do whatever can be done to ‘get those numbers up!’

– Snortable versions of the AstraZeneca vaccine will be added into the nation’s cocaine supply, upon which time the government will add a one million to the total vaccinated list. Similarly, Pfizer have agreed to add the vaccine to all shipments of Viagra going forward. “Vaccinating won’t be hard from now on, but something will be,” the HSE added.