HAVING climbed every interview mountain there is to climb in the industry, Oprah Winfrey has invested millions of her hard-earned fortune into a Jurassic Park style genetic engineering project that will hopefully allow her to interview herself.
“The first few Oprah’s out of the chute were, well, how will I say this. They were an affront to God” said project chief Dr. Ianara Zweilig, speaking to WWN on the eve of what is hoped will be the first successful Oprah on Oprah chat in history.
“We’ve perfected the method since the early days, but there were some terrifying creations. Oprah 247 was locked in the 80s, and would only respond in glib soundbites, not to mention her catastrophic fashion sense. Oprah 3421 simply kept screaming ‘you get a car’ while smashing her face into the observation glass. Then she broke out and fled, but we caught her and added her to the ‘failed’ pile. And now 4,765 Oprah clones in a mass grave later, we’re finally ready for the chat”.
While final touches are made to the studio settings and TV crews get ready to capture history, Oprah herself remained in her trailer, preparing.
“This is the most important interview in Ms. Winfrey’s life”, an aide told us.
“Oprah wants to crown off her career with the interview to end all interviews; a conversation with herself, to really drill down into what has made Oprah ‘Oprah’ all these years. It’s the final frontier of light entertainment, and there’s nobody else who could either conduct the interview, or be the subject of it, except Oprah”.
We were interrupted by what sounded like the noise of broken glass and the repetition of ‘you get a car’ coming from the trailer, before Oprah herself emerged to conduct the interview, a trickle of blood on her forehead and a maniacal smile on her face.
“Go for it, boss!” her staff cheered.
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