Teachers To Spend First Week Back Correcting Mad Shit Parents Were Teaching Their Kids


STILL adjusting to teaching in a location that isn’t within touching distance of a wine-filled fridge at home, the nation’s teachers return to in-person teaching has been hampered by the effect of off-the-cuff, make-it-up-as-you-go-along homeschooling done by parents.

“Before we closed down before Christmas we had just started Irish history, do you know how long it is going to take to convince little Jack Nolan that Liam Neeson didn’t kill Meghan Markle at the Battle of Clontarf during 1916? Because according to Jack’s mother that’s what happened,” already exhausted teacher Aisling Hegarty explained to WWN.

“Do you know how many of this little shits came back telling me the earth was flat and maths was illuminati’s way of making you think you were stupid?” explained principal at Divine Jaysus National School Tríona Hughes.

Further concern to teachers was the majority of pupils’ answers to questions varied from ‘I dunno ask your mother/father’ to ‘is it ‘watch YouTube and leave Mammy alone for the rest of the day’ class yet?’.

Parents at their wits end who were trying to juggle working while helping maintain their children’s education have apologised but insisted ‘it’s your turn now’ shortly before downing some alcohol and lighting a cigarette.

“Turns out one of my pupils has just been left doing finger paintings by his father for the last few months, I wouldn’t mind but he’s a Leaving Cert to be studying for,” confirmed Leaving Cert chemistry teacher Aidan Freel.