Taoiseach Wondering If Tánaiste Bluffing When He Says He Doesn’t Want Anything For Valentines


COLLEAGUES close to Micheál Martin have told the Taoiseach that he’s ‘absolutely mad’ not to get Tánaiste Leo Varadkar at least a little something for Valentine’s Day, even if he said that they’re not going to celebrate it.

“But we haven’t been together as a coalition for a full year, is it really something that’s important?’ asked Martin this morning at a hastily-convened meeting with his team of advisors.

“I said, ‘not even a card?’ and he said not to worry about it. Why would he say that if he didn’t mean it? Is it a test? Do you think he’s got something for me? Do you think I should go get a card anyway, just in case he has one for me? What if I give him mine and he has nothing, won’t that embarrass him? Jesus, leading a country with your sworn political enemy of the past century isn’t as easy as I thought it would be”.

Under advice, the Taoiseach has contacted the office of the Tánaiste to make ‘double, triple certain’ he meant what he said and asking if he wouldn’t like ‘a small gift, maybe with a limit of a tenner or so’, and has received a terse sounding ‘it’s fine’ email in return.

Meanwhile Green Party leader Eamon Ryan is still hard at work making his own home-made, upcycled Valentine’s gifts out of perfectly good flowers he found in a skip for his two best friends Micheál and Leo, as well as putting the finishing touches to a poem about how they’re the best coalition partner’s his party has ever had.