Things Way More Fun Than That Concert In New Zealand


HAVING recently declared themselves Covid-fee yet again those sheep shagging hobbits in New Zealand made international headlines off the back of a photo of 22,000 plus people enjoying a tightly packed concert.

At first, such wild and joyful scenes of togetherness and rampant socialising could cause pangs of yearning, jealousy and sadness for those citizens of nations living under lockdown and ravaged by Covid-19, however, WWN has come up with a list of activities that are probably in reality much, much more fun than something as boring as joyous freedom:

1) Just imagine the queues for the portaloos at that concert anyway. And the state of them; each one a brown Jackson Pollack tribute. No, no, you are better off engaged in more fun activities like staring into your fridge for 5 minutes searching for food your brain knows you didn’t buy. Thrilling!

2) And the food vans probably charging €15 for a burger. You’re alright thanks, much more fun to walk that same identical route you’ve been walking now for weeks.

3) Repeating ‘sorry can’t hear you, think you’re on mute’ for the thousandth time to friends and family on Zoom. No concert could match that feeling.

4) Oh what’s this? Somebody has dumped a Christmas tree on the side of the road along the 5km circuit you’re allowed to do – imagine what it’ll look like next week? Or the week after! Have those New Zealand bastards ever watched a Christmas tree decompose? We bet not!

5) A concert? With people? Enjoying themselves? You couldn’t pay us enough money to go, not when there’s supremely enjoyable things to be done around the house like gazing out the same window again, or counting and rearranging the dust particles in your sitting room.

6) The mere thought of being stuck behind a tall person or someone singing louder than the band and singing the incorrect lyrics. It would be much more enjoyable to washing your teeth with broken glass. Thank God for lockdown actually.

7) Watching Sea Shanty videos on TikTok which is now the new chewing jaw in a nightclub apparently.

8) Going to the shops for milk even though strictly speaking it’s not an essential trip because the litre you have there in the fridge will last you another few days.